he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
