Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Randomize
