I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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