I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
