we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
