last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
