youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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