who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Come share oat with me in your robe
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
