Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
