When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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