I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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