i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
