Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize