Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
