hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
