He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
