So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
