I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
a search helicopter?!
Did I show you my penis last night?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
