She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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