Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
