Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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