what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
