3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
