I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
