i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
