Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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