just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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