I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
