I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think i peed on brittanys purse
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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