So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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