I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
