Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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