he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
