I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize