There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
