Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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