New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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