i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
