He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
