I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
