Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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