but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
