I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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