Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
