I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize