dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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