I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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