I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
