do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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