a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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