your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't deserve a penis
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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