If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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