why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
