So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
