Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
