If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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