He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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