so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just google imaged poop.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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