I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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