He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
