My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We had sex on a dog bed..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
