Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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