and she was petting her beer can
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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