there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize