They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
