whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
