9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
