I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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