i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
