I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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