i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
