R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
