She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
