Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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