May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
