Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
