I didn't shave. On purpose
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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