Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Did I show you my penis last night?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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