I can't breathe out the right side of my face
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
