How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
only you would photoshop your dick
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
