oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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