the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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