i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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