My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
