I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
