just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
