Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
