I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
