she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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