just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
