Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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