areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
