I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
