Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
