I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
