i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
