And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize